Words To Live By

I used to play baseball in my younger days.  In fact, baseball felt like a true calling to me for the better part of my life right up until about the time that my mom died.  Needless to say very little was the same after that but one thing that went very quickly was my capacity for being on a baseball field.  It was no longer the challenges of the game that seemed difficult to overcome, but the empty space in the bleachers where she used to sit and watch.  It was around that time that I moved on to playing guitar, and here we are today.

However, during the time that I was playing little league and starting to get more competitive, A League of Their Own was released. You’ve seen it I’m sure, and if you haven’t then you’re seriously missing out.  Yes, it’s a little bit of a chick flick but it features one of Tom Hanks’ best performances that I can think of as grizzled, recovering alcoholic former all-star Jimmy Dugan who was loosely if not entirely based on hall of famer Jimmy Fox.

There’s a scene about three quarters through the movie where the star of the film, and of the Rockford Peaches Dottie Hinson (played by Geena Davis) declares that she’s quitting, and going home with her war veteran husband.  She tells Jimmy that she has to go because it’s “just gotten too hard.”

He takes a deep breath and stares her down.  Looking her right in the eye he says “Of course it’s hard.  If it was easy, everybody would do it.  It’s the hard that makes it great.”

And so it goes.  In baseball, as in any endeavor that seems like an uphill battle – if you truly love it you revel in the fact that there are obstacles to overcome and bullshit to wade through.  Kindergarten is for children after all and it only gets increasingly difficult from there.

So I say, try to persevere and persist in the face of whatever difficulties arise when striving for a goal because forever, since time and memorial, the easiest thing you can ever do is give up.

From the Underwear Drawer

So, let’s paint a little timeline – or rather, let me.

"Guess what I've got in here!"

After you’re born you wear diapers for some indeterminate period of years – hopefully two or three I’d guess before it’s time for pull-ups or some alternate “big boy/girl” undergarment.  For purposes of this discussion I suppose I’ll be referring primarily to the male side of things owing to the fact that I’ve never been a girl and have never worn girl’s underwear – though I must say I do thoroughly enjoy and appreciate all of the subtleties and varieties that world has to offer.

Every four year old boy had a pair as soon as he could make it to the bathroom on his own

After the diaper and immediate post-diaper stage, your parent(s) inevitably will dress you up in probably the cheapest and least comfortable offerings at the local department store.  In my case, these were Superman, Batman and Ninja Turtle patterned briefs followed in my latter youth by white Hanes briefs, or as the kindest hearted contemporaries will grow to call them “tighty-whities”.  Tight though they may seem while being worn, or from an onlookers unkind perspective, it’s really never so tight as they get when an older kid or asshole cousin gives you a wedgie for the first time.  That breeds a resentment for your mother and father that may or may not ever dissipate – cuz holy shit is that an uncomfortable sensation.  Not only are your [private parts] slammed together in the most unnatural way imaginable, you’ve also been shamed and overpowered in a way you were never prepared for.  Your underwear is torn, your midsection hurts, and so surely does your pride.  It’s a seriously cruel world ladies and gentlemen, and there’s nothing like your first wedgie to remind you of that – but I digress.

Nobody has ever once found these sexy

So, whether you like your Hanes or not, they’re all you know and you persist with them until. . well let’s see

1)  You can no longer take the abuse in the locker room

2)  You get “pantsed” in front of a crowd and the cat is let out of the bag that you haven’t yet made the logical leap to whatever the next step is in the underwear lineage

3)  You have your first semi-sexual encounter with a girl who laughs or scoffs graciously when you take your pants down to reveal a pair of underwear that should have been discarded or burned long ago

Surely by this point some subset of your peers have begun wearing boxer shorts, it’s really all a matter of time one way or the other until you give in and make the switch – and then, my GOD what freedom!  Your nuts and bolts can breathe, the waist band is far less constricting and there’s virtually no risk of a traditional wedgie – though of course assholes will always find a way to make you grievously uncomfortable with whatever you’ve chosen to don.

Ah the beloved three pack. Nothing screams sophomore in high school like plaid boxers

So, take your balls and run with it, right?  Yeah – maybe you can’t go wrong with your boxers for a number of years.  You will undoubtedly make some adjustments for comfort and style purposes – upgrade to a few more expensive really soft pairs that you save for nights when you’ll be wearing nicer clothing or more likely to be taking your clothes off with a member of whatever sex you choose to get naked with and that’s how you roll for a little while.

Then another change occurs – the times change, you change, whatever the case is and you’re wearing slightly tighter jeans or pants than you have previously.  You find yourself in situations where having the waistband of your boxers peaking out is no longer really socially acceptable.  You end up in bed with a slightly older, more sophisticated individual who tells you it’s time for another shift in perspective and “once you make the change you’ll never go back” – and it’s off to Macy’s to get some boxer briefs and try that shit out for awhile.  You’re skeptical, and it was nothing short of miraculous when you found your way to boxers – who needs to change away from that, you ask?  What does his/her opinion matter anyway? “Fuck that” you say – and then off to secretly go buy one package of what’s been recommended.  Let’s see what the fuss is about, you say.

It turns out of course, that she was right and you can’t go back.  The confluence of boxers and briefs and the ease with which you can pull up your skinnier jeans without bunching or reaching down into your pants to adjust every three minutes like your grandfather after a big dinner is fucking phenomenal.  Stock up and stock up, but don’t throw away your boxers – you never know when you’ll need a backup pair after a busy week and no laundry and seriously, if this experiment doesn’t work out you want to be able to go back, it’s like insurance – or security.

Trying to find a picture of boxer briefs without an exposed man in them is considerably more difficult than it should be

But you get pretty used to the boxer briefs and actually grow to like them – maybe you even start working out a little more often to fit them a little better and relish the response when you get a new person in bed that admires your decision.

And then there’s the day when your laundry DOES run out, and you do have to wear boxers and it’s like starting over.  That all but forgotten, unfamiliar feeling of a constant almost-erection and having to adjust and fidget to make sure everything is in its right place.  You wonder how on earth this was ever your garment of choice – things are just too free to move around, so out of control.  How could you ever get anything done this way?

But wasn’t that once exactly what you wanted?  To be free and a little out of control?  To stray from the choices that had been made for you and let things run wild for a little while?

What it boils down to – or what I guess I’m trying to say is that in life, as in underwear you’re pretty much free to switch between briefs, boxers and boxer briefs freely for most of your life as it fits your lifestyle and comfort level and it’s more or less nobody’s choice but yours.  Alright, perhaps your significant other  will ask you to wear something specific at some point in your life that you might not have opted for on your own dime, but even that can’t be so bad.

I guess the only time it’ll ever again be painful to switch between undergarments is when it’s time to start wearing diapers again.  Funny how things seem to start and end in such similar places.

 

My Proposition. . .

On the Long Island Rail Road this morning I decided to have a look at CNN.com on my phone.  I wouldn’t say I’m out of touch with the world at large, but I certainly spend the majority of my time in my own world – drinking coffee, booking gigs, playing gigs, writing songs, making records – so I’m not much of a political follower or an activist of any sort.  In fact, I try pretty hard to keep my opinions to myself lest they be mistaken for blanket statements and the assumption that I’m attempting to affect some radical change in the world.  Let’s lay that to rest – I’m not.  I wouldn’t mind seeing some change in the world but I’ve always been a fan of that saying “be the change you wish to see in the world”.  I do my best to be me and hope that it has some type of rippling effect on the people around me in my immediate sphere and so forth.  For better or worse I don’t have the time or resources to lead a revolution and even if I did, I wouldn’t have the interest.  My opinions are based on the observations I make throughout my daily life and how they impact me.  Truly, my goal is to be relatively unimposing, except when I’ve got a guitar and a microphone at which point it’s DEFINITELY NOT the time to be waxing political.

This morning while browsing CNN and also a fair number of Facebook statuses (stati?) it came to my attention that there’s a fairly heated, ongoing debate taking place regarding same sex marriages in New York at the very least, if not on a much larger scale.  Upon reading this article, and learning of the number of hours that have been invested in this argument – as well as hearing some of the opinions from dissenters I got to thinking. . why is it the decision of a room full of suits who can and can’t get married and under what circumstances?  Pass the bill and let’s everybody move on, shall we?!  I will personally be ordained an interfaith, unisex minister of love and promises and begin marrying couples of all different credos, sexual orientation, beliefs and ideals in the middle of Times Square.  The man power and turmoil being stirred over this decision are an insult to the entirety of the United States of America.  The NY Legislature, as well as anyone else who feels it’s their right to determine someone else’s rights, should be ashamed of themselves.

Has anyone considered the possibility that we might spend more time feeding and sheltering the homeless, preventing babies from being left in dumpsters and caring for mentally ill war veterans that have returned home and less time butting our heads into who is marrying or sleeping with who?  More time paving Second Avenue, regulating midtown traffic and keeping bikers in their bike lanes and less whining about the sanctity of marriage.

What’s coming. . .

These are now available.  If you’d like one for yourself, shoot me an e mail at BrianRipps@aol.com and I’ll send you all the details for obtaining one while I work on getting my PayPal account equipped to accept online payment.

These past two weeks I’ve been in the studio working on my solo record I’m calling Impressions.  It’s going to be a combination of interpretations of a couple of songs that have meant a lot to me over the course of my life by various artists for various reasons as well as a couple of songs written by me, Pat, or some collaboration thereof.

The track list if I was going to write it now would look something like this

1. Never Tear Us Apart (INXS)
2. Have A Little Faith In Me (John Hiatt)
3. Lump Sum (Bon Iver)
4. Long As I Can See The Light (Creedence Clearwater Revival)
5. The Story (Brian Ripps/Patrick McDermott)
6. When You’re Gone (Patrick McDermott)

It’s ever evolving, but that’s what’s on the docket as of right now.  The way I see it, songs do a great job of speaking for themselves and an incomparable job of speaking to me. I’m taking this opportunity to put a spin on each of the songs as it resonates in my heart and mind.  I want to embrace the notion of a songbook, and standards and explore these songs in a studio and treat the entire record as a performance in itself.

As a musician, entertainer, and performer I’ve had countless opportunities to play each of these songs for various audiences in a number of different environments, but I’ve never had the chance to capture any or all of them as an individual moment in time, almost like a snapshot.

A little while ago I fell in love with the idea of getting into the studio and stretching out, really putting my thumbprint on songs that do such a good job of speaking to me and conveying the attitude that I settle on with the other musicians and delivering it to all of you.  Impressions is and will be a collection of songs fed through the Brian Ripps filter before reaching your ears.

Peace Love and Vocal Harmonies

Because you were thinking about sex anyway. . .

Got your attention?

So there’s a KY commercial campaign airing these days that I think is occasionally pretty gross, but simultaneously hilarious, and very well done.  Let’s examine it from top to bottom (no pun intended.. yeah right).

The product is “KY Yours + Mine”.  The commercial is here.  You can watch, but a quick synopsis – a couple sitting up in bed describing what this product is doing to enhance their bedroom encounters.  They’re not the greatest looking couple in the world, but I think it’s speaking to the “anyone-ness” the product can appeal to.  The man, in his somewhat bumbling tone of voice gives something of an explanation of how things generally go, and how much better they go with this stimulant involved.  The woman chimes in once or twice, and then there’s a couple of quick cuts to other “unrelated” but explosive and exciting imagery, leaving us back with the couple in their bed, laying down and giggling.

Effective?  Absolutely.  It’s not even the sexiest commercial any of us have ever seen, and in fact what’s funnier than that is the sexiest commercial we have ever seen was probably for a car, or some food product.  All that aside, this commercial presents the product, presents its merits, and then shows you the “results”.  There is a part of me that’s not interested in this, or any other couple’s sexual escapades – there is also another installment of this advertisement utilizing a much older couple and cataloging their occasional failings in bed which I’m definitely not interested in.  However, that may do a better job of telling the story, wouldn’t you say?  Anybody can use this product!  Good call, KY.

Coming up, the sexiest commercial I have ever seen. . .

Peace Love and Vocal Harmonies

Focus!

I was invited to participate in a focus group yesterday on, of all things, advertising and marketing.  Given my recent fascination (read: obsession) with advertising of the print and commercial variety this was a field day for me.  I was invited and paid to express my opinions in a panel of friends for 2 1/2 hours.  What did we find?  Well, I’m glad you asked.  There’s a few things going on, as well as some things that weren’t touched upon during the group but I’d be happy to shed some light.

We spent some time talking about the current State Farm campaign – you know, sing the jingle and your agent shows up to save the day – there were some mixed emotions from the panel.  On the one hand, they succeeded in getting us to talk about the ad whether we like it or not, but on the other and maybe more important hand, none of us in the panel are in the market for insurance that they’re selling.  What’s the upshot of this?  I feel pretty strongly like the ads are going only so far as to impress their slogan and jingle upon us but not translating directly to sales. I personally don’t know how to measure how valuable that is to a company, especially one so large as State Farm since obviously somebody is buying their insurance either on the strength of these or previous advertisements.  It was most interesting for me to hear how some of my peers felt about it and discovering that these ads are in fact reaching people.

We then spent a pretty good deal of time talking about beer and the way they sell their product.  There’s a respect in which you might say that beer sells itself.  To whatever extent it does (and it does), that would be shortchanging the extreme lengths these beverage companies go to in order to insure that we (the royal we) will be ordering their product when we go hang at our favorite watering hole.  We explored the tactics of Coors Light, Bud Light, Miller Light, Corona and Corona Light among others.  I have reason to suppose that Coors Light was at the helm of this focus group, though I can’t be sure.  One way or the other they got by far the worst reviews from my panel which I found somewhat humorous.  From the “love train” commercials to the mountains turning blue, there was a serious lack of impress on the part of my group with Miller Light taking the top spot for efficacy.  Their most recent set of ads (European speedo, skinny jeans, sunglasses at night, etc) telling us to “Man Up” left an impression with myself and my co-viewers.  Also, though not a domestic light beer, Dos Equis and their Most Interesting Man In The World scored very well.

It was agreed upon that attention to detail, as well as humor and ability to relate to a character was important when being sold to.  Beyond that, having someone to emulate, admire or aspire to made the group feel much more comfortable.  After some pretty extensive analysis it also came to pass that the race, age, and gender of such characters were not even that crucial to an eventual sale as long as there was some common ground, something a viewer of any background could relate to.  This of course left open questions as to whether the results of the same line of questioning in a completely different market would have turned up similarly.  I have reason to suppose not but all the same continue to find it fascinating that thirty second commercials can provide such fodder for conversation while either ruffling feathers or thoroughly impressing their audience, target or not.

Peace Love and Vocal Harmonies

Another couple of ads

These all fall into slightly different categories, and I don’t suppose I’ll be as critical but here are a few more ad campaigns that I feel do their job in one way or the other.

1. AT&T Ski Lift Commercial – First of all, could they anymore have been trying to channel Zach Galifinakis? I think the dude in this commercial might be funnier – the sound he makes when chucking his “friend’s” phone off the ski lift just before repositioning his sunglasses is just about the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.  That being said, once you know what’s going on in the commercial it’s even funny on mute, which is generally how I see it.  I don’t actually think this is the best commercial for AT&T because other than being told that’s what it’s for, the services of their network don’t really entice me away from mine or make it especially clear what they’re selling.  It is hilarious though, and I’m still talking about it.
2. Snickers – “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry”.  Not only are these commercials funny, but they’re also effective.  They paint a picture, they get right to the point, they force you to use your imagination and then reward you for doing so.  I think everyone is a fan of the Betty White/Abe Vigoda installment, but I personally prefer the Aretha Franklin “you’re a diva when you’re hungry” version.
3. Snickers Peanut Butter – Sharks “Steve Was Delicious”.  I see a trend developing.  This was instantly my favorite commercial of all time.  A shark focus group asking them to recount the flavor of the humans they’d eaten.  We, as humans, watch and chuckle along because what an outrageous thing to imagine – killer sharks sitting around a boardroom table discussing their latest conquests and then being told by their human focus group coordinator that Steve had just eaten Snickers with Peanut Butter.  Just watch it, laugh along, and then go buy some Snickers Peanut Butter Squares. . right?

Peace Love and Vocal Harmonies

Advertising do’s and dont’s. .

I’ve had the opportunity to see a lot of commercials over the course of the last six months that I hadn’t been privy to in the year and a half or so previously.  Over the course of time I lived in Long Island City with my brother we didn’t own a TV and what little television I saw was usually on mute at a bar which I was playing a gig at.  So sure, I saw advertisements for the usual suspects – beer, food, cars, sex (aren’t they all about sex?), make up, sneakers, sports, gadgets – but I didn’t get any direct exposure to how exactly they were trying to sell America to me until I moved back to my dad’s house, and then out to my current apartment where I’m equipped for television.  With that bit of background out of the way, I’m going to outline two of the best and two of the worst commercials I feel I’ve seen recently, and the reasons why.

 

The Best of Them:

1. Blackberry Torch – I actually saw this commercial on mute for the first time and was so intrigued that I was driven to look it up on my own time.  As good as it was with no sound, it was that much better when you got to follow the story.  The story was a 30 second vignette of a small business starting out producing hand bags.  There was a designer and a traveling salesman.  Over the course of the commercial their prestige grows owing to a model wearing the bag on a red carpet someplace, it getting photographed and placed in the press and their order load increasing exponentially overnight. Throughout the whole commercial they are communicating via the various capabilities afforded to you by the new snazzy Blackberry.  The climax of the commercial (if I may, thank you) has the salesman receiving a figure from his partner back in the warehouse letting him know they’ll need an order for something like 300,000 units, the salesman dropping his bags and raising his arms in triumph on the moving sidewalk in the airport.  You get the whole human experience in 30 seconds, and it’s very obvious what the commercial is selling.  I’ll do some more exhaustive research and find it to post so you can have a look but I’m confident enough of you have seen it and know what I’m talking about.  Effective sale, great marketing department.
2. Guinness – As referenced above, it even looks good on April Fool’s day.  Never has a product done such a good job of making themselves seem unique and exclusive. . at least not to me.  The “Only For The Bold” commercials make one feel like a cut above the rest when they order, receive and subsequently sip a Guinness stout.  I’m pretty aware of the fact that many millions of people drink Guinness on a daily basis, and I bet they all feel like they’re the only one – or at least that they’re part of an elite group. Only for The Bold.

The “Worst” Of Them (really, just ineffective and unclear)

1. I saw a Three Olives Vodka commercial – and it was so bad that I can’t even describe it to you because I have no idea what was going on.  I then saw a different ad from the same campaign and still couldn’t tell you what it was about except that it ultimately ended up being for Three Olives, distilled in Britain.  So. . as there’s no such thing as bad press, they’ve still gotten me to talk about it, but I won’t concede to them having done a good job simply on the strength of getting mentioned.  I’m no more likely to drink their product and have doubts about the quality of their marketing department.
2. Ford F-150.  I’m usually a fan of their commercials because they usually do a pretty good job of selling that Ford is THE truck company and making the exploits of Ford truck owners seem rugged and exotic.  In this particular commercial, the narrator speaks as the truck in the first person, making all kinds of promises about its capabilities (hauling, towing, fuel economy) and the music playing in the background is Collective Soul – The World I Know.  For those of you not intimately familiar with their catalog, it’s a kind of sullen and depressing sounding song and not really one that I’d want associated with my man’s man car.  Conversely of late, Jeep commercials have employed a soundtrack that so very much paints the automobiles in question as a bad ass car that you need to own to understand.

Until next time boys and girls.

Peace Love and Vocal Harmonies

Just a couple of thoughts of mine. .

Just got back from this evening’s gig at The Banshee Pub.  It was our first time there, it was awesome.  Gig #50 of 2011, 7 in a row and 15 of the last 16 nights. That’s a mouthful, awesome.  We had a great time, met some awesome people, sang some new songs and overall had a blast.  We played for three and a half straight hours, aided by several if not many shots of Jameson.  So what I’m trying to say is Thank you to everyone that came out, and thank you in advance to everyone we’ll see over the course of the next few weeks, months, years, decades, and so on.

Upon my return, I flipped on SportsCenter to find that one of the next “top stories” was All Eyes On K-Rod.  Those of you who are not baseball fans, and even for those of you who are, that is for Francisco Rodriguez, the closer for the New York Mets.  The “K” is for his pretty well established and from where I sit, sadly undeniable ability to strike people out, the “all eyes” owe to the fact that this athlete assaulted his girlfriend’s father at the closing of last season and was arrested, suspended from play and withheld pay.  Even with that in mind, the fact that anyone could possibly suggest that “all eyes” should be on him is beyond ludicrous.  He’s a relief pitcher. This is a guy who has thrown less than 600 innings over the course of his 9 seasons in the major leagues.  And again, just for those of you that aren’t major baseball followers, an average #5 starter will throw approaching 160 in one season. So we’re talking about a part time player at best, with a job title that couldn’t really be more meaningless.  They call him a closer and they give him credit for an imaginary/arbitrary statistic called “saves”. It’s contrived and stupid and something I’m not going to bother wasting the time getting into. . I’m just mystified and frankly disgusted by the fact that The Mets are paying this jackass in excess of $12 million dollars a year to amass statistics that are, at the end of the day, just not all that valuable and could be had for CONSIDERABLY less money, and even hopefully less douche baggery.

Onto the NFL.  Labor talks, owners, players, millions and billions of dollars blah blah blah, who has time? Obviously it’s of some pretty significant consequence to a not insignificant number of people and I’m certainly attuned to that. . but the fact that anyone, ANYONE appealed to President Barack Obama to try and do something about this is, well, embarrassing. . for all parties involved.  For those of you who know me, and for those of you who don’t, politics isn’t really something I spend a lot of my free time talking about, and I’ll do my best not to start now – but even with that being said, are you kidding me?  Anybody that’s turning to the President of the United States of America to attempt to remedy what boils down to a school yard scuffle should be ashamed of themself(ves).  It’s like asking your mom for Peanut Butter Crunch, her saying no and then asking your dad in hopes that he’ll either cave and buy them for you, or appeal to your mom – yeah, true story, I digress – but I sincerely hope that President Obama isn’t the only one who was in a position to point out to the NFL and the NFLPA that he has some other more important things to tend to than their inability to solve this issue. . . hopefully.

 

The Issue with “The Eagles”

Disclaimer:  The views and opinions reflected in this and all other entries are mine and mine alone and are not being stated as “matters of fact”.  Strictly opinions with which you can choose to agree or disagree.  In short, don’t take it personally.

Now, if you’ve ever seen me perform anywhere, the introduction is always largely the same.  ”My name is Brian Ripps, this is Patrick McDermott and we are called The Turn.  We will play just about anything you want, except The Eagles”.  Now, while I’ve alluded to and addressed the reasons why a handful of times in passing, I’ve never quite gone into detail, so allow me to do so.

First of all, if you’ve never seen The Big Lebowski, then go do that.  If you have, then you’ll know that I’m joking around at least a little bit, maybe 1%.  The truth is, I don’t think The Eagles “suck” at their instruments, or at writing songs – that would just be silly since they are obviously more than competent and proficient at both of those things.  My problem is solely with their aesthetic and the fact that a group of such talented musicians got together and elected to make the least interesting, least inspiring, most accessible easy listening shit I’ve ever heard in my life.  The Eagles sound to me like a living room in California in 1982 filled with characters from Boogie Nights, standing around drinking something or other, probably using cocaine and laughing about their stock portfolios.  That’s not really my scene, and truly I don’t think it’s the scene of anyone I’d want to spend time with either.

I arrived at a gig not too long ago to find that The Eagles Greatest Hits were playing on a stereo in advance of our performance.  Pat obviously thought it was hilarious, and I was predictably nonplussed.  The extent to which I feel like they were copping out and trying to appeal to the largest number of people possible without offending literally anyone other than me just kind of sickens me.  It’s clear that they were capable of doing something more challenging and the fact that they willingly submitted to creating such edgeless crap offends my sensibilities as a musician and as a human being.  I have trouble believing that any of them enjoyed actually playing the music and got off simply on their renown and widespread appreciation.  Like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, I can’t say a word about the success they’ve realized, but that doesn’t mean I agree with it.